Try not do

The other day I was teaching my upper division class, and at the end I gave them an assignment. One of my favorite poems is Invictus, written by William Henley.  This poem was read daily by Nelson Mandela as he sat in his compact jail cell for 27 years.  I am not simpleminded enough to assume this poem is what gave Madiba the fortitude to keep his mind sharp and not plunge into the trap of self-pity.  However, the words which echo in this poem carry a magnitude so forceful, it must’ve had an impact on his stay in that humble jail cell. With this in mind, I gave my four students four lines each to memorize by the next day, making 16 in total.  Sumba took the first four, Inacio and Bacari the body, and Jeremy with the last four.  After asking them if they could do it, sumba quickly replied “teacher, we can try”. I sat there for a second and then said, “No Sumba, you can do it”.  

My whole life I’ve thought the word “trying” to be a cop out; an easy escape when the going gets tough. With this thought we ended class and parted our ways. 

As I was walking home I could not help but think how much I hated the words which spewed out of my mouth- “No sumba, you can do it.” Every step home I kept asking myself who am I to tell someone to try is not good enough when everyday I fail.  Suddenly, the retort to this simple but mind-crippling question hit me: sometimes trying is better than doing. “Bull shit” I said to myself. But then I really thought about it and as I thought about it I started to believe it.  To try and- afterwards- fail, is one of the most suffocating realities of our human existence, with the fear of this prospect potentially damaging one’s potential to grow. What Sumba was really saying to me when he said “Teacher we can try” is that he’ll do all he can, but sometimes, unfortunately, it’s just not enough. This statement likely rings truer to me than most of you. I have learned more in my life from my mistakes and shortcomings than any other form of education.  My Dad always said to me growing up “Jon, you can either learn the easy way or the hard way, and for some reason you always chose the hard way”. I don’t necessarily know if I “chose” the hard way, but I do know that was the only way I was going to learn.  However, through constantly choosing the hard way in life, I want to make it clear that I never stopped trying.  We are all trying in our own way and nothing ticks me off me than when someone doubts another’s effort. Humans are so quick to spot others flaws and reject them because they can see the very weaknesses they themselves posses in others (see; ‘psychological projection’). It’s like we chose not to comprehend that  everyone is pushing their own needle, and in their perspective they are trying their hardest- choosing rather to compare them to the force with which we are pushing our own needle. You see, Sumba has been learning English for just over a year, and is already in a level four class. He is leaps and bounds ahead of where he should be because he keeps trying and at the same time failing. Now for myself, I have been speaking English for over 20 years so naturally I look at 4 lines of a poem and think about how easy this must be to memorize overnight.  That was my error: I failed to see that Sumba was pushing his own needle- and not only was he pushing it, but he was giving it all he had. How pathetic are we as humans to naturally assume others should be on our same “level”? I parenthesize “level” because quite candidly Sumba is on a higher level than myself but my blindness failed me at seeing this. 

I have come to realize the real and utterly bitter truth is we are designed to think we are either better or less than our peers, both comparisons being detrimental. When you make the absurd assumption you are better than someone, you instantly block yourself from any real ability to connect with others. Sure, you will be able to woo a group of colleagues as you show off your newest golf set, but there is nothing genuine about this interaction nor is there anything genuine in the results of this “friendship”.  A friendship is based off trust and accountability.  This trust comes from experiences, and in order for these experiences to happen we need to throw our egos aside, allowing ourselves to see others as equals.  This is actually harder than I initially realized because this includes the begger on the street, or the individual you have never been able to see eye to eye with. However, once you TRY to do this, you will see a significant difference in your relationships. Even if you’re a parent, try this thought process with your child and see how it transforms your relationship. I guarantee it will be more authentic. Now for those of us who see others as better than us, it sucks. If you are anything like me, your day is full of negative thoughts of yourself because of your perception of others. This is not only a fundamentally incorrect way to think- it’s also demoralizing. We often think the talents of others are superior to our own and fail to see the uniqueness of our own. Different has always had a negative connotation attached to it.  But if we would briefly consider those who’ve brought the most groundbreaking and beneficial of technologies and ideas to this planet, acknowledging that the one common variable which they all possessed was this thing we call “difference”, maybe we would try a little harder to develop our own intrinsic qualities, rather than conforming to those around us. Don’t conform, stand out if you are meant to stand out, and be willing to accept that not everybody you cross paths with will think on the same wave length as you.  Those with this acute understanding of who they are have the most to give if only they try, but the world we live in will tell them otherwise. We somehow need to tell ourselves constantly to mute what the uglier parts of the world are trying to tell us. 

To try is much greater than to do because it means we are stretching ourselves and potentially allowing ourselves to fail.  When we start to try, we will see others gravitate to our strength, and give a little more than we have in the past.  We will see our relationships become more authentic, draining any guile. A relationship that accepts trying as a viable form of currency. We will also- in an unexplainable way- use our failures as a way to obtain a more uncontaminated contentment. 

INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me, 

Black as the pit from pole to pole, 

I thank whatever gods may be 

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance 

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeoning of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years 

Finds and shall find me unafraid 

It matters not how straight the gate, 

How charged with punishments the scroll, 

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.